So this is it.. I’m stepping out of that comfort zone that I’ve been able to hang out in for the last 29 (Almost 30!) years of my life. And what better way than starting a mommy blog! Why you ask? Because there have been comments made recently along the lines that I make motherhood look “easy” and that people don’t understand how I do “it”. Let me tell you, it’s not! At all. I don’t want to give that false vision that I don’t have bad days which I’m sure it’s what it looks like on facebook and IG. Everyday I’m a prayer away from having a Mommy Moment. You know, one of the times when at a minimum, you start talking to your children (and possibly husband) through your teeth? Please tell me I’m not alone..
Today, for example, was my 17 month olds first day of day care. I’ve been blessed to have a family member move in with our family to help with the kids but sending Ali Cat (you have to love the nicknames YaYa gives to our girls) to school made it a little easier to tell YaYa that we have decided to expand our family one more time. Crazy I know but that’s another topic. Now my almost 4 year old and 7 year old have both been in school for a while now so they know the routine. But for some reason this morning, we had a sudden onset of situational amnesia in conjunction with my expressions of guilt for hating and loving the idea of sneaking to the gym after work instead of having to rush home to save YaYa from another hour of poopy diapers. Today though, of all days, we forgot how to get ourselves dressed, no idea where the cereal is, do we even like milk anymore? Who the hell knows what day it is? Honestly I bribed the baby with cheetos so I could get her to keep her shoes on! The feeling of embarassment as I brought my beautiful little girl to her first day at the school with a pretty tutu skirt and cheetos curled between her little fingers puts me on my own #Fail list since of course I’m that “health nut mom”.
But do you have any clue what it’s like to get 3 kids ready by yourself in the morning while trying to get to work on time because you have a meeting? I know I’m not the only person who has ever had 3 kids before since I have 1 brother and 2 sisters myself, but I am the only person mothering my 3 girls and I promise there aren’t enough cheetos in the world that would get my 4 year old to let me pick out her clothes or my 7 year old to not meltdown over me having to brush her hair. Grunge is still in right?!
Either way, it’s true.. we got to school on time, I only have a slight headache from clenching my teeth so I didn’t raise my voice and ruin my children’s entire day because they hold ridiculous grudges, Ali cat had some sort of cheese product for breakfast but with cheese comes protein. Now I’m laying in bed with 2 out of 3 girls laying across one section of my body so I can’t get up and pee and I call that a success. I made it to work only 10 minutes late but I REALLY needed that coffee. My kids had a great day at school and were beyond excited to see me when I picked them all up this afternoon. They requested an easy dinner, only had one piece of homework to do, showered and snuggled while watching TV. So yes, that picture that I could post on social media of our morning selfie shot on our way to preschool does look like we have it all together. But Lord knows what it took to get there…
I heard somewhere that as mom’s we are our own worst enemies. We set some crazy standard for ourselves to perform at and that perfect life is unobtainable but always attempted. And this is true! At least for me. My faith has grown in the past year and I’ve come to believe that God has given me my 3 beautiful babies because he knows that I’ll cherish them and care for them as children of God. HE knows that I can handle everything HE throws at me because with his faith in me, comes my faith in Him. What I didn’t realize was that just as much as my beautiful little terrors need me, I need them. I need them to bring me back to reality. My girls show me unconditional love no matter what happens throughout my day. Having a messy bun instead of some crazy Elsa braid, nope they still love me. Pizza instead of a 4 course vegetarian meal, they cheer for me at the table! The simplest of hugs and cuddles before bed is what fills their buckets and in return makes mine overflow with love and satisfaction. I’m doing a good job and I’m trying to learn to measure it by the snuggles and “Mama, I love you”‘s not by how perfectly dressed they are and if I made homemade Christmas gifts for their teachers.. even though let’s face it, I’ll never stop trying 😉